Day One

And it starts again.

Why is it, that if one says they are being treated for Depression, people do not know how to react?

Most do not see us "depressies" as actually ill.
We are lazy. We are weak. We are arrogant.

But, I bet they have never had to spend an entire day trying to crawl out of a hole, embedded so deeply into the ground, that there is NOT a light at the top. Its a friggin scarey feeling. You cant breathe, there is simply NOT enough air.

You are laying in the cold dark dampness.... eyes raised up to the sky....
Looking at a tiny pinprick of light.
Now.... you KNOW that the pinprick will grow as you start to climb. You KNOW that once you reach the top of the hole, there is sunshine,warmth,and maybe love.
Maybe people, even tho you have shut off everyone in your life, one of them might still be there, just waiting. . .

So you reach for that tiny pinprick of light.
You start to climb.
You grab at the walls of the self-imposed hole and try to find a niche that will let you grab on.
Your fingers start to feel as if they are digging in concrete. Scratching, clawing, tearing, breaking. . .
and as you do,dirt that surrounds your own personal hell you are in , starts to crumble.
It falls in your face, your eyes, your mouth.
You start to have a hard time breathing. There is not enough air for you......
the dirt starts to fill your eyes. . . your mouth. . . there is NOT ENOUGH AIR !!!!


So on Day One of that climb . . you stop.
you wipe the dirt off your face, rinse your mouth out and try to go back to that wonderful place of sleep
But. . . . . Sleep doesnt come.

Basically? It Bites.